Day 6 – Rest and Reflection

Because I had a rough night last night due to eating the wrong thing or just my stomach adjusting to the malaria meds or the food or the altitude, I spent most of the day resting at the guest house, taking in all the sounds, and catching up on some computer work. I went with the project director to lunch at his home, sharing gifts of play-doh and matchbox cars which were embraced wholeheartedly by his kids age 2 and almost 6. After returning to the house, I worked on the NGO proposal for re-registration with new governement office developed recently to monitor social sector NGO’s. A voice called up to my room and it was the head housemother with two of my favorite sweet boys, Z and M, ages 15 and 14. They had sad, somber faces and Hiwot said they needed to talk to me. They wanted to know why, when I had come with packages for a few other kids, I had not found a family yet for them. I swallowed hard as I prepared my explanation, knowing it would sound lame and unacceptable, and that it still wouldn’t dull the reality that they would most likely be destined to live in Ethiopia without parents for the rest of their lives. “Are we bad boys, or is there something wrong with us?” they wanted to know. I explained about their age, and about how most families will specify a child under age 10 or maybe up to age 12, but rarely a teenage boy. I explained about the sovereignty of God, a tough concept for even the most spiritual adult to understand, and that if it was GOOD for them to be chosen by a family, they would be, and if not, it was because God had something bigger for them planned in Ethiopia. Still, it came down to the hard reality that Ethiopia is full of orphans…UNICEF estimates nearly 5 million who are growing without at least one parent, and many without both. Most of the children adopted are infants or toddlers, or sibling groups under age 5. Our mission as an organization has always been to work with the most needy kids and for this NGO, it means children without parents who are between 5 and 20. But it is hard when the children up to age 12 or 13 are chosen, leaving the 14 and 15 year-olds counting the months until they age-out at 16. “Should we stop hoping and simply accept Ethiopia as our home?” the older one asked. I gulped again, not wanting to tell him “yes”. This boy has been living in the project since he was about 9 years old. His mother died when he was small and he is truly a tender-heart. He loves and adores younger children and is a big-brother and helper to many. At 15, he still seems so “young” to me. I don’t want to disappoint him, yet I know that his chances now are very very slim. All I could say was, “There is only a very slim chance now that you will go Z, I’m sorry”. They were kind and respectful and made sure I knew that they were not angry, just wanting to understand. As I walked back to my room, I thought about how much ups and downs the last 2 days had embraced. Snuggling with orphans who live like a family, grieving with a couple over lost opportunities, rejoicing with children who learn of a new family in America, and disappointing another 2 children who realize their dream of a family will likely never become a reality. Hard moments, but real moments. This is my experience in Ethiopia…nothing is fake, nothing is pretentious…everything seems so significant that it makes much of how we live in the U.S. pale in comparison. I feel tired as I return to my computer, knowing that tomorrow will bring its own share of ups and downs as well. But I am so glad that God has enabled me and our family to see all of this, and to live all of this. I can’t imagine going through life in a fog of "privilege," not understanding more of the big picture. Thank you, Lord, for this privilege.